I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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