He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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