I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
