I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
