i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
