so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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