Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
