would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
