why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
