The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
