Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
