I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
