Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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