We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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