Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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