a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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