Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
