Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
