she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
