You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
