Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
