hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
