i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
