I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
