im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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