I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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