We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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