i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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