Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
