my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
