FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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