i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
