Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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