Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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