you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
last night I used snow as a chaser
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