I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
