My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize