3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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