Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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