I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
