Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
