We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
