I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
