I wish my penis had an off switch
what day is it and did you see me today?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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