And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize