brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
