Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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