i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
