Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
