lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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