Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
