Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
