I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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