the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
