5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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