hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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