so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Rumble strips road head = magical
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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