also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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