i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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