Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize