i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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