Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
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