I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
