she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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