Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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