he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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