I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
