sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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