Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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