I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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